just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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