If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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