and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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