Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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