I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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