At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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