i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
