we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
