You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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