I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize