Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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