belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We got so high we made milksteak
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
