you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
this just has baby written all over it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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