We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
