I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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