if i can run in heels then i can drive
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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