Your mouth is God's brothel.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
