I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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