Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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