It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
