What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
