i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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