An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
