i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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