I cockslap morals
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think we might need a safe word for this...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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