Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
