i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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