I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My bed smells like the plague
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
