are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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