i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
