If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
