Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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