My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am mentally ready for anal.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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