i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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