Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
