I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is an emotional support booty call
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
