I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
