he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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