fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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