Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
