Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
