SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
