I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
