i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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