I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
