Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
