break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
