My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My dick has a subreddit
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
