idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
