Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
