then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
