How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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