i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
