his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
