omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
