I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
