Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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