Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize