did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I believe in your delicious
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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