I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
