Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize