he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
