So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
