Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
