final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
