He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize