Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
