I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
