So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
