Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
whose parrot is this?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
