Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
