you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
