I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
