NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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