I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
