it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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