the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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