I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
