oh god the rape fog is back!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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