so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
