I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize