Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
