I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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